The Cup
(The Synagogue) >The Coffee
(Judaism)???
(The SINagogue Greater/More Important Than Judaism?)
|
A group of alumni, highly
established in their careers, got together to visit their old university
professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and
life.
Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups – porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite – telling them to help themselves to the coffee. When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said: “If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups have been taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee. In most cases it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups… And then you began eyeing each other’s cups. Now consider this: Life is the coffee; the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, and the type of cup we have does not define, nor change the quality of life we live. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee. Savor the coffee, not the cups! The happiest people don’t have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything. Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. |
Life
Is Like A Cup of Coffee, Spiritual
Story by Unknown
In chapter 4 of Ethics of the Fathers, Rabbi
Meir states, “Look not at the vessel, but
at what it contains.” Similarly Sufis state, “the water takes on the color of the vase.”
The
state of today’s SINagogues?
Oy Vase
Mir….(woe is me) as they suffer from the
cup (the Temple/Schul) being more important than the coffee (Judaism) chronic
condition dubbed:
“SINagogue Edifice Complex(1)” (resulting in Post Traumatic
$INagogue Syndrome (PT$$)
Chipotle never fails me, and the
synagogues usually fail me
Three Reasons Why Chipotle Is Better Than Synagogue,
Patrick Aleph of Punk Torah
The Cup (today’s SINagogue) has become
more important than The Coffee (Judaism) further alienating and disconnecting
Jews from Judaism. The monolithic SINagogue distribution channel and its
Rabbinate Pulpit Spiritual Leader Union has effectively (despite feign denials
to the contrary) seized Judaism and made itself of greater importance (than
Judaism). The Faberge SINagogue Cups and $50,000 Mechitzahs (2) take priority resulting
in spilling the coffee (but not onto the $50,000 Edward Munch Scream $50,000
Mechitzah).
The SINagogue EdifIice Complex:
Yiddishe “F” Cup.(3)
(1)Acronym “SEC”-
though not to be confused with the successful collegiate football conference
(2) The physical means
(usually just a sheet) of separating men’s and women’s sections in Orthodox
SINagogues – not $50,000 sheets to the
wind
(3) Yiddishe Cup – smart
Jewish way of thinking, Jewish head
Given the continuing SINagogue
operational income deficits, novel approaches to breach the cash flow gap have
been attempted or are being contemplated in particular naming rights variations
Tushie Naming Rights
On a weekly, monthly, or yearly basis (except
high holidays) rent to corporate and
individual sponsors – naming rights on the back of sanctuary seats as well as
commercial voice over messages activated by the congregant’s posterior settling
comfortably on the seat (giving new meaning to ‘bencher’ (booklet contain meal
prayers).
Imagine being greeted in soft mellifluous
tones as one’s tush engages the seat cushion with –
‘Shalom! Increasing waistline? Junk in the
trunk? Expand your horizons - custom alterations of Biblical
proportions at Lord & Tailors - ask for Moishe Pupik’ *
Given 4 services a week (Friday and Saturday) and additional 1 or 2
uses of the Sanctuary seating each week or 6 total – that’s 30 potential commercials
a month. At $50 naming rights or less than $1.67 a month per potential ‘impression’
Given 11 months and 400 available sanctuary seats even at 100 utilized on
average – that’s $66,000 of additional SINagogue revenue not including the High
Holidays which could double the take.
Win – Win.
An alternative: rent the seat suitable
voice recognition whereby upon tush touchdown one would be greeted with for
example be greeted with, ‘Welcome, Sadie Melnick. Long
time no see! How’s the grandchildren and that little Shana of yours?’
(Should a wayward behind occupy the seat, once tuchass recognition is
perfected, upon tush touchdown the response would be ‘Sadie, Sadie Melnick – is
that you? (And depending) did you a) put on a few pounds during the holiday or
b) been to Jennie Craig recently?’ What does your Saul think?)
Sadie Melnick will be giving guide tours of her seat to her bridge club
let alone her good for nothing older sister from out of town.
Tucha$$ Naming Rights –
the SINagague Financial Messiah.
(Po$t$cripture:
Tucha$$ Naming Rights are easily transferable to other faiths and other houses
of ‘wor$hip for their pews’)
Elevator Naming
Rights
(True Story Names &
Places Changed To Protect From Litigation)
“Mitzi Barson’s 4-year-old granddaughter Tantalayo
(named for great grandmother Tootsie Barson) has a favorite elevator at BMH
(Bring Money Here) Temple in Northeast
Philadelphia. It has her family's name on it.
So does the preschool upstairs: the Harry and Tillie Barson
Nursery School as is the
food emporium just around the corner.
` `They have one of the best names in Philly,''
Rabbi Izzy Wagner says of the Barson’s, whose 80 year store at Broad &
Olney is synonymous with The Mile High Corn Beef Special on rye stacked with
cole slaw and Russian dressing and the Teenager Delight Banana Split topped
with real whip cream and oodles and oodles of hot fudge. ``I was moved by the
idea that their granddaughter understood that Barson’s is more than a name.'' (It’s
indigestion).
Parking Place Naming
Rights
With SINagagues running out of wall space for
memorials and vanity commemorations, one SINagogue sold off the Senior Rabbi’s
parking space (which is the closest to the SINagogue) to a wealthy couple.
Replacing the sign designating the Senior Rabbi’s space was the donor family
name. The donors do not even attend services and have since legally separated.
Rumors have it their divorce lawyers are arguing over valuation of the space
should there be a property settlement.
BIMAH
Side Bar: Reality TV Show: SINagogue
Wars©
With
the continuing need to fund the operating deficit on a long term basis, and
endowment funds not being available, it’s rumored that the Pulpit Rabbinate
Reform Union is seeking to create a reality TV show – SINagogue Wars© with the
residuals to be shared with the participating SINagogues involved. Working
titles for the first year episodes:
1- Selecting a new Rabbi
2- The SINagogue Divided: The Associate Rabbi wants to set up his own Temple
3- The Rabbinate Union Intercedes
4- Pay To Pray I- High Holiday Seating Arrangement
5- Pay To Pray II -Who Sits on the Bimah & When
6- Pay To Pray III The Lightning Round - Pledging @ High Holidays
7- The Cantor Sings (About His Second Class Citizenship)
8- Schmoozing The New SINagogue President
9- Contract Renewal or Pursuing Personal Interests: Horror Zion Stories
10- Teaching, Teaching? I Got No Time For Teaching
11- Product Placement Annuities: Plaques, Memorials, Vanity Monuments and other Idolatry
12.- University
of Texas
Longhorn Football Schedule Conflicts with Saturday Services: Pigskin Is The
Only Difference?
13.- The Jewish Federation – Too Cool for Schul I
14.- Jew It Yourselfers – Too Cool for Schul Part II
15.- Bar Mitzvahs Part I– More Bar Less Mitzvah
16.- Bar Mitzvahs Part II - Going
Once, Going Twice - Who Can Outdo Who's Bar Mitzvah For Their Kid
17.- Puttin’ The Meat In The Seats – The Rabbi’s Tush On The Hot
Seat
18.- Once A Year Mitzvah Day for Photo Ops In The Local Jewish
Newspaper
19.- The SINgagoe’s Not So Silent Auction Fundraiser
20.- Cost/ Benefit: Welcoming New Market Niche Transgender
Affiliation Vs Losing The Brody Family’s
Annual Large Contributions?
21.- Aliyah *Auction: Going Once, Going Twice – Sold To The
Highest Bidders
* Aliyah – an honor to be called up to
read from the Torah (often paid for)
SINagogue Hot Wings
Naming Rights
What do you call the practice of naming a new wing built onto
the ‘SINagague’ named after a donor whose contribution was ‘earned’ in dubious
ways?
SINogague Hot Wings©
What do you call the Pulpit Rabbis who knowingly receive this
‘fruit from poisoned trees’ looking the other way or rationalizing acceptance
of the donation with the JEWbonic© homily of “the road to good intentions is built with good deeds?”
The
Boss With The Hot Sauce? (thank you, ‘The
Geator with The Heater’ Jerry Blavat renown Philly DJ)
Accomplices?
One Hour Martinizers?
Quid Pro Torah?
Role models for ‘be your own message?’
Rabbi Hillel stated, “the more property, the more
worries. Today’s SINagogues – the more SINagogue, the less Judaism? And this is
no better evidenced than by the multi millions plus spent on the SINagogue 2000
program and its successor SINagogue 3000.
BIMAH SIDEBAR: NOT PUBLISHED AS WRITTEN
IN THE INTERMOUNTAIN JEWISH NEWS IN NOVEMBER OF 1999 PER THE
EDITOR RABBI’S INDISCRETION CHANGING CONTENT & TITLE
SINagogue
Myopia©
Things Not Worth Doing Are Not Worth Doing Well
With the limited information secured from your news
accounts and personal conversations, it appears the planning process for
Synagogue 2000 is materially flawed – “skim milk masquerading as cream.”
As a corporate and fee only financial planner for over 20
years, first, fundamental to the planning process is questioning underlying
premises and assumptions. Secondly, a mission and or vision (what should be)
also defines what the mission and or vision is not or what it should be not.
Third, the planning process should not be encumbered by preimposed vested
interests – in its examination. For example, if learning is the mission - then teaching is not the mission but a
strategy of learning which may include experience, independent study, computer
assisted learning etc.
Thus, to superimposed the assumption of the teacher as
“learning” closes off other alternatives even though, in the end, the teacher –
strategy of learning may actually wind up being the model or the critical
element of the model.
This presupposed imposition of the Congregational Rabbi
model – vested interest – appears to be occurring in the Synagogue 2000
planning process.
Prior to definition
of mission and vision, the assumed Congregational Rabbinical Model – seems to be superimposed within this
Synagogue 2000 context. Trojan Horse
appears to be just a marketing plan to revive declinING market share for the status quo – but “new with enzymes,
and a silly millimeter longer.”
True, planning does face constraints – governmental,
societal, technological, economic, competition, etc. . But where possible, one
starts with as clean as a sheet as possible – not the predisposed assumption of
the teacher union or the Congregational Rabbinicaltariat Union.
Unquestioned assumptions and premises and, presuppositions
limit creativity, vision, and choices merely perpetuating the status quo.
It has come to my attention
that Synagogue 2000 allows the participants to “plan what they need to plan.”
If that is the case, where is the planning process? It seems there are some
nice ceremonies and prayers – but these are tactics not vision. Is Synagogue
2000 just a set of tactics – steps in search of a predesigned status quo vision
– in new clothes?
A tallis with bellbottoms?
Solution? Define what the mission is and is not –
Congregational Rabbi constraint ($100,000 per Rabbi requires 600+ families) be
darned and should not be superimposed as a given. If this model evolves fine –
but reexamine the assumption and premise. Vested interests are not the mission
– not even Congregational Rabbis. First, if the mission is spiritual
development (i.e. the delivering of meaning) is the Congregational Rabbinical
model the only model or are there other constituent parts? If the primary
mission is transference of Jewish values to subsequent generations or “meaning”
or whatever– reexamine and rethink present premises and assumptions. Do they
fit? As Faulkner said, “Sometimes you have to say goodbye to the things you
know, and hello to the things you don’t know.” Too often we get stuck as
someone once said, “reasons create laws but then the reasons change and the
laws don’t.”. Second, define what the mission vision is not. This is tough and
requires hard tradeoffs and prioritization.. Otherwise, the planning just
devolves to a wish list up on the shelf with no one satisfied. Third, if
Synagogue 2000 is really a prepackaged market plan – so be it. Call it that. If
Synagogue 2000 is really about Market Share planning-– do a Market Plan to the
individual situation.. Otherwise, skim milk masquerading as cream – is just
that skimming.. Fourth, don’t stand on tradition just for tradition’s sake.
Reexamine it’s relevance to the mission – and elevate, modify, or discard after examination.
Think outside the “pul-pit” synagogue box!
Things
not worth doing are not worth doing well.
Other than the “canned” – “the participants steer their own
course – we just facilitate” –objection handling, I challenge Synagogue 2000 to
educate me and others about our misunderstanding and misinformation. Of course,
I could stand corrected not having all the information or being misinformed.
Will the planning process be real- making tough disclosures
and choices or will it just be “a silly millimeter longer,” with a little feel
good thrown in while protecting superimposed vested interests?
Jim Schwartz
======================================================
Synagogue 2000™:
SINagogue Myopia
“(Synagogues are) failed enterprises”
Billionaire Jewish Philanthropist Michael Steinhardt
Things not worth doing are not worth
doing well
Millions and millions has been spent with
great fanfare on Synagogue 2000 program and its bureaucratic successor
Synagogue 3000 with little measured success.
What is Synagogue 2000’s/3000’s sin?
Self serving focus on itself – the SINagogue – as THE
channel of distribution – rather than
the product – Judaism!
Thus, the wholesaler – is more important that the
service or product- it’s merely a matter of reforming – tweaking this ‘failed
enterprise.’
Even in ‘doing the wrong thing’ Synagogue did ‘the
wrong thing wrong.’
For example in its 230+ page manual (page 6-14) per a
sidebar ‘What People Say Are The Obstacles To Joining A Congregation’ it lists
the following findings (which can be measured but they don’t):
·
They experience
the place as unwelcoming
·
They don’t like
the services
·
The clergy
ignores them
·
They are told, or
they feel, that non-Jewish members of their family are not welcome
·
The religious
school requirements are too demanding, too much time per week, too many years
·
They don’t think
it’s worth the cost
·
No follow up
·
Don’t like the
services
·
Poor reputation
of the school
·
Children not
welcome
In a former life as a corporate strategic planner, a
planner sets up pre and post measurements (doing the wrong thing to begin with
aside). In light of the above, for example, on a 1-10 scale, the planner would
gather date for an intake average per the points about. For example, per a
sampling, on a scale of 1-10, as the beginning (pre planning) the average for
‘like services’ hypothetically let’s is 4. Then quarterly at best annually at
worst, the planner would have surveyed ‘like services’ after the intervening
programs, tactics to see any change positive or negative.
Furthermore where is the cost benefit analysis
relative to increased membership, retention or other metrics due to Synagogue
2000 or its successor’s efforts? In a web search, only anecdotal self serving
congratulatory fluff, kind aspiration words and empty hands, and cumbaya was
found.
Thus, it appears, and I’ll stand corrected that
Synagogue 2000 did the wrong, wrong and it’s planning – to be kind – left much
to be desired especially in terms of accountability If proper planning was
done, and the results were positive – Synagogue 2000 would be screaming from
the BIMAH, roof tops, etc – illustrating the success.
Instead, there seems to be spinning of the Synagogue
2000 Dredel happening. Synagogue 2000 has morphed into Synagogue 3000 euphemizing
its downsizing as ‘streamlining.’ (Streamlining a positive euphemism for failure – doing the wrong thing wrong and
cutting back staff which has occurred?)
I’ve cut so much hair, I’ve lost my concept
Warren Beatty in the film Shampoo
The sheer insular hubris and audacity of a channel/method
of distribution (Synagogue) as implicitly (by its focus) being more important
than Judaism itself is breathe taking. With its exclusive focus on the
Synagogue as THE ONE & ONLY focal point – the exclusive monopolistic
distribution channel reminds one of (of all people) Henry Ford’s quote applied
to Synagogue 2000, ‘You can have car (Judaism) any way you want it, as long as the
car (Judaism) is black (received through the Synagogue).’
Sin, in Greek, literally means missing
the mark.
The Self serving Spiritual Leader
Pulpit Rabbinate inspired SINagogue 2000 and 3000 not only misses ‘the mark’
(Judaism) but has made marks (rubes) once
more out of well intended contributors and foundations with its misplaced
exclusive focus.
Better had the money been directed
toward Judaism 2000 rather than just being a Trojan horse for the self
perpetuation of a channel of distribution that is and continues to be failing.
Putting
more gas into an old car doesn’t make it go faster.
The church (SINagogue etc) of the future will be a
bungalow on Maple Street
not in a mega structure in a sea of parking spaces. It’s intimacy of experience people long for, not production values
The Way We’ll Be, Zogby (The Pollster)
As Faulkner wrote in The Reivers, “sometimes you have to say goodbye to the
things you know, and hello to things you don’t.”
Time to change to less costly porcelain
cups and upgrade to premium Starbucks™ or Peets™ coffee from Maxwell House™
After all, the Torah was received at a mountain and services were at the Mishcan
– for 40 years - a movable tent in the desert (without Frank Lloyd Wright
architecture).
In prison, Joseph interpreted the cupbearer’s dream to mean that the cupbearer would be restored to office – asking the cupbearer to but think of me
when all is well with you again and do
me the kindness of mentioning me to Pharaoh, so as to free me from this place
Genesis 40:13-15
Yet the chief cupbearer did not think of Joseph; he forgot him
Genesis 40:23
