JEWdo: Preface & Introduction

Preface

The SINagogue Edifice Complex

God will then scatter you among the nations, and only a small number will remain among the nations to which God will lead you..

Deuteronomy VaEthchanan 4:27

            And the self serving insular organized Jewish establishment (and in particular, the SINagogue Edifice Complex Commercial Rabbinate) has done a yeoman like job further downsizing & diminishing ‘the small number’ by alienating and disconnecting Jews from their Judaism.

            What follows is not just a ‘recounting’ of this subJEWgation but ideas and thoughts for reJEWvination©

But first, a little personal ‘recounting….’

Introduction:

Kosher Moral Relativism

          Kosher

          Kosher is the general term used to describe foods that are acceptable according to Jewish dietary laws.

          But Kosher has come to mean in today’s lexicon:

·        Legitimate

·        Above board

·        Genuine

·        Authentic

·        The real thing

·        Lawful

·        Proper

Recognizing Kosher as proper, above board in the ethical sense and understanding that “vengeance is mine sayeth the Lord”, as Thomas Sowell once stated, ‘I don’t hold grudges, but I have a long memory.’

My first memory of SubJEWgation by the SINagogue Edifice Complex Commercial Rabbinate dates back to age 7 at my brother’s Bar Mitzvah at Horror Zion ‘A Cathedral of American Conservative Judaism.”

As per the production line ‘move in, move out, Rawhide’ Bar Mitzvah training of the day, my brother was given a recording (rather than reasons and meaning) of his Bar Mitzvah part to memorize (rather than the meaning nor reasoning of his part.)

(If one was unruly or dared to ask ‘why,’ it was Shecket B'vack Ah Shah, Yeladeim! Depending on the intonation, this meant, be quiet children, or if said by Horror Zion Hebrew School teachers, it really meant, 'shut your mouths, kids’ and worse ‘cause I said so’ during that era.)

Shecket B'vack Ah Shah

Economically, we were lower middle class – living in a row home with one bathroom the four of us shared. Businesswise, with the advent of the birth control pill and more drugstores being able to buy direct, my father’s condom wholesaling business was declining precipitously.

A couple of months prior to my brother’s Bar Mitzvah, my dad was called into the Hebrew School for shakedown #1.  He was informed that my brother was doing well in his Bar Mitzvah preparation and ‘oh, by the way, we are taking donations for the new Synagogue wing.’

My dad forked up $25 which was a lot for him in 1956.

Two more shakedowns (euphemism: contributions) were elicited and finally my father on the last occasion didn’t ‘fork up.’

It was snowing the day of my brother’s bar mitzvah – but we got to the Synagogue through 10 inches of snow the four of us scrunched  into the front seat of my father’s Chevy as the back seat was packed with Trojans, 880’s, Guardians, Natural Lambskins – yes   merchandise and samples for Dad’s traveling salesman condom wholesaling business.

When we arrived that fateful snowy day at Har Zion, my brother was informed his Bar Mitzvah part was reduced.

Coincidence?

Snow job?

(Of course, my brother was probably thrilled – all the gifts, gelt ((money)) and presents and a reduced part)

This was Kosher?

Note: When it was my turn to be Bar Mitzvahed at Horror Zion, still to this day not having any idea of what I was singing during my Bar Mitzvah part, I did learn one thing from Howie Griesler - in the Bar Mitzvah reception line how to simultaneously shake hands, receive the envelop given, and take out the check without it hitting the floor and, by the way, saying ‘thank you.’

We continued to belong to Horror Zion.

(My parents scrimped to send me there – even car pooling cab fares with other parents in Overbrook Park in Philly to send me to Horror Zion’s Hebrew School after public school Mondays and Wednesdays.

At Horror Zion, besides head Rabbi Goldstein, there were three or four other associate and assistant Rabbis.

When High Holidays arrived those who could afford it (Big Shots -Ganzer Machers) got Stevie Wonder-ing Goldstein in the main indoor sanctuary. (Since there wasn’t RabbiTron in those days, the second tier of payers got the other enclosed sanctuary with a B List Rabbi, and we, the poor country cousins got to wander & walk 5 blocks to a tent for services with the D List Rabbi.)

This was Kosher or Caste-ing Aside?

            I was maybe 7.

          Bored out of my mind at High Holiday services and I was sitting next to my dad. Dad wore a Hamilton wristwatch with a cover over the watch.  I must have asked him every 5-10 minutes, ‘how soon is it over, when is it over, what time is it?’ as I would grab his wrist. Dutifully, he would repeatedly twist his wrist towards himself, opening the cover and say, ‘it’s over in an hour an a half, or services end at 12:30 or it’s 10:30 – 10 minutes since you last asked.”

          I believe after High Holiday services that year my father, Ellis Schwartz, was the first recorded case of carpel tunnel syndrome.

          Maybe in Sunday school, if Horror Zion teachers would have explained the why of High Holiday services instead of Shecket B'vack Ah Shah, Yeladeim – services, even to a 7 year old, it would not have been akin to water boarding.

          50+ years later – moving across the country, things haven’t changed much.

About 10 years ago at SINagogue Bring Money Here Yom Kippur (the holiest day of the year) services during breaks outside of the sanctuary, it was like a custom tailored Bazaar (with emphasis on Bizarre) listening to the business deals (quid pro Torah?) being brokered on this the Holiest of Jewish holidays. ( Let’s Make A Deal’s got more reverence and attention than the service).

Rather than separating from the secular – being holy (which also means separate) on this holiest of holy days, Yom Kippur became a wheeling and dealing business opportunity for professionals, entrepreneurs and businesspeople while superstitiously covering their bets by attending and paying for the best seats (which were empty during most of the service!). And for the Rabbis the bottom line was bottoms in line.

This was Kosher or Pay To Play?

            Though divorced at the time over 15 years, I was involved with an Orthodox Jewish woman who – if we were to go forward – wanted me to give a ‘GET’ to my former spouse even though she was a Reform Jew that doesn’t recognize the need to have a GET and she had remarried. (A ‘GET’ per Jewish law, is deed which nullifies the Jewish marriage contract, and is necessary for the female spouse to receive if she is to remarry. Without a GET, she is ‘agunah’ – and cannot remarry.)

          Again, the woman receives the GET from her former male spouse – not the other way around. Thus, I didn’t understand why the Rabbis wanted me to get a GET.

          Finally, after alienating my former spouse (who had agreed to go before the Jewish Court and receive the GET), I pushed the Rabbis on why I needed legally from a Judaic standpoint to get a GET for my former spouse.

          There was no legal reason. The best the Rabbis could argue was that ‘it is customary’ and ‘that will be $600 please.’

          Not a Judaic legal requirement– but ‘customary.’

          ‘Customary’ not a legal requirement but ‘customary.’

          The GET GOTCHA – and I refused pay or play.

This was Kosher or a Rabbinical Protection Racket Shakedown?

          Another GOTCHA attempt:

          Do you remember the TV series The Millionaire?

          The series explored the ways unexpected wealth changed life for better or for worse (before Lotto)

Weekly millionaire John Beresford Tipton, Jr. would give his minion Michael Anthony (with Olivo slick backed hair)  a $1,000,000 check to give to a designated person. There was but one stipulation- the beneficiary could not reveal the source of his wealth as the episode revealed how the recipient dealt with his or her new found wealth.

A former wealthy fee only personal financial planning client of mine (who was not Jewish), asked me to play Michael Anthony placing a $100,000 gift (at least to start) with a Jewish charity. After consultation, he decided to remain anonymous until the gift was given and the money should go to B or better Jewish school students who were economically disadvantage to pay for their tuition.

Meeting with Jewish education establishment types, the ‘education’ Rabbi in attendance began her comments with ‘what happens to funding for students after the initial grant of vouchers were exhausted.’ There was not even a ‘thank you’ initially or thereafter. Afterwards, I was informed there was political implications to vouchers that there was a problem with.

The resolution: instead the monies went to fund – one time and one time only – Jewish Summer Day Camp costs were the disadvantaged. The donor made no further contributions after this ‘no good deed goes unpunished’ slap in the face from this Rabbi and the Jewish education establishment.

And I didn’t get slick back my hair with Olivo.

This was Kosher or Taking For Granted

Finally, a few years ago kicking, whining and kvetching but with the  promise of promiscuity afterwards, I attended a Pride & Prejudice Pulpit Edifice Complex for services with an insistent lady friend..

During the service, women were passing around cookies while gossiping and comparing Jimmy Choos and Pradas. Concurrently, there was the vain repetition (Turbo Torah) zombie pomp and pompous circumcision stance.  I envisioned flashback and flash forward interwoven scenes like in The Godfather of Church christenings and murders only interrupted by the with the consumption of my grandmother’s rugelach *

Excurciating vain repetition and meaninglessness for 2 hours and this time I got carpel tunnel from turning my wrist to see the time.

(PS, the nooky afterwards wasn’t worth it.)

This was Kosher observance?

Yes, the above are anecdotal stories. But, the road to generalization – like science - is often paved with anecdotal evidence. Unfortunately, the above anecdotes are not isolated.

That which is intended, in time, becomes it’s exact opposite

Guirjieff’s Law of Seven:

From a Judaic perspective, it is said that each of us has within him or her a spark of the divine – a spark of Hashem. This life is about refining character to manifest that spark of the soul– spiritualizing the material and materializing the spiritual – illuminating, being a light unto all nations for ethical monotheism.

If anything, the organized American Jewish establishment (in particular the SINagogue Edifice Complex Commercial SubPrime Rabbinate) has doused too many sparks.

You are to be a nation of priests unto Me

Deuteronomy

          And as the following shall illuminate, the nation of priests, individually, having outsourced its assignment, is not without blame. It is time for reJEWvination from status quid pro Torah – 1 Jew @ A Time.

         

And that’s ‘resetting’ Kosher.

NINjim, Yaakov Schwartz

Dogged Jew &

A Jew It Yourselfer

*Rugelach - (bite size crescent shaped pastries filled with ingredients like raisins and raspberry jelly) that like Men in Black caused amnesia of my grandmother’s family interference – for a while).